"Hell of an entrance you made, today."
Connor chuckles, closing his eyes as he shrugs off his coat, and letting the comfortable smells of home melt away the remaining tension in his body.
"Hello to you, too. Something smells good."
There's a shuffling noise, and he opens his eyes to find Will standing in front of him.
"It's just spaghetti. You know I was worried sick about you?"
"I'm fine, babe," Connor says, kissing Will deeply before kicking off his shoes.
Will shakes his head. "I knew I should've driven you."
"I like the train. Perks of living in Chicago," Connor says, falling into his husband's embrace, and relaxing as Will presses kisses into his temple. "Besides, we decided together that we should show up separately. Set the tone for this entire 'we're professionals at work' thing we wanted to do."
"It was a stupid idea," Will mutters into Connor's hair.
"It was your idea," Connor points out, and he can feel Will smile against him.
"Even more reason it was a stupid idea."
"Hey." Connor pulls away from Will, shaking his head. "None of that. You're smart, and talented, and amazing. Your ideas are never stupid."
Will doesn't seem offended, instead kissing him again. "So you always say. I should go stir the sauce though. Go hop in the shower. You still smell like hospital disinfectant."
"Noted," Connor says, pulling off his shirt, and grinning at the look Will gives him.
"You're gonna be noting something else la..." Will starts, before noticing Connor's arm. "Who stitched you up?"
"I did it myself," Connor says, unbuttoning his pants.
Will shakes his head, but it's affectionate. "Of course you did."
Connor shrugs. "ED was busy. Didn't feel it was worth bothering anyone else for."
Will just harumphs as Connor heads toward the bedroom.
"Oh, and for the record," Will adds, still looking at him even as he walks back toward the kitchen. "I like aggressive Connor at work. Keep me on my toes, okay? I meant what I said: I don't want you to go easy on me just because you're my husband."
"I know," Connor says, wishing he could kiss Will again. "That's why we're doing all of this, right? Professional detachment."
"Uh huh," Will says, giving him one last glance before disappearing around a corner.
"I heard you talked with your dad today."
Connor doesn't bother standing from the couch, instead finishing the rest of his scotch in one gulp, and grimacing at the burn. "Something like that."
He looks over at Will, who's standing in the doorway, staring at him. But it's the look in his eyes that snaps Connor to attention. He isn't sure he's seen it before.
"Babe. What happened?"
Will shakes his head. "I screwed up today."
Connor's up in a flash, his own issues forgotten, holding his husband as he collapses against him.
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
Will hesitates for a moment. "Male, mid 40s, presented with chest pain."
Connor immediately jumps into doctor mode. "I would..."
Will shakes his head. "I ran everything. All of the labs came back normal. But I missed the fucking lesion. Back a couple hours later with a massive MI, 20 minute code time."
"Jesus." It's out before Connor can help it, and he wishes he could take it back.
Fortunately, Will doesn't seem phased by the reaction. "I mean, I got him back. But he's got a long road ahead of him now, and he's not gonna be the same in any case, and it's my fault."
Connor waits for more, but Will seems to be finished, and he tries to think of how best to proceed. "If you want me to take a look at the scans tomorrow..."
"Ethan took a look. He didn't see it either."
"Then I don't know what more you could've done, babe," Connor says, gently kissing his cheek. "It sounds like you saved his life. You just had the bad luck of being dealt that patient, and the same thing might have happened to anyone else who got him. Medicine is like that sometimes. As I recently had to remind Reese, real bodies are very different from..."
"So that was my day," Will interrupts, clearly done with the conversation now. "Sorry you had to talk with your dad."
Connor shrugs, his own concerns feeling silly and inconsequential now, but he goes with the subject for Will's sake. "He cornered me. Figuratively. Wanted to start over, like he didn't even understand why I'd left. Because of course he doesn't."
"Sounds like Cornelius. Does he even know we're married?"
Connor shrugs again. "He makes it his job to know everything, so I'm sure he does. But it didn't come up."
"Mmm." Will doesn't seem to know what else to say to that.
They stand there for a bit until Connor can feel like muscles start to cramp. "Okay. Let's go to the couch and I'll order us something."
Will acquiesces, and as they sit, wrapped up in each other's arms, Connor counts his blessings. Sure, there'd be days like this, but they had each other to help get through them.
At least things couldn't get any worse, right?
Connor isn't surprised to see Jay in the ED, given the circumstances. He also isn't surprised to see Will talking to him. But it's the first time he's seen Jay at work, and he isn't sure how he's supposed to be handling the situation.
He hesitates for a moment, questioning whether he should say hi, when Jay meets his gaze and nods at him.
"I'm Dr. Rhodes," he says, his hand extended for a handshake as he approaches.
"Uh." Jay doesn't seem to know how to react to that, looking between a now-amused Will and Connor before taking his hand and shaking it. "Yeah. Sure."
"This is my brother, Jay Halstead," Will says, and Connor can tell he's trying his hardest not to laugh. "Detective Halstead, Dr. Rhodes. Dr. Rhodes, Detective Halstead."
"It's nice to meet you, Detective," Connor says, and he knows he's smiling himself, now.
Jay stares at him for a moment before turning back to Will. "Okay. What the fuck is this?"
The PA blares a page for Connor, and he silently thanks whatever deity was watching over him that day. "Excuse me," he says, feeling only a little bad that he's leaving Will alone to deal with the fallout.
He barely manages to resist the urge to press a kiss to Will's cheek as he leaves.
"Jay says you two are being dipshits at work."
Connor chuckles and stands aside, allowing Mouse in the door. "Jay is exaggerating, like always."
Mouse shakes his head as he unwinds his scarf from around his neck. "He says you're pretending to be strangers, and that all your coworkers think you hate each other."
"We often have... professional disagreements at work, which some people have misinterpreted, yes," Connor says.
Mouse rolls his eyes, dropping his scarf and coat on the floor and making his way to the living room.
"Hey, Mouse," Will says, standing from the couch as they enter.
"I think Jay's right," Mouse says, plopping down on the couch. "You're both dipshits."
"Of course I'm right," Jay says as he breezes through the door, stopping in front of Connor and eyeing him suspiciously. "You're not gonna give me any more of that handshake bullshit, are you?"
Connor laughs and pulls him into a hug, their usual greeting. "We're not at work. So no."
"Uh huh." Jay shakes his head, punching Will's arm before setting a six-pack on the coffee table and sitting down next to Mouse. "What're we ordering?"
"Wings are on the way," Will says, giving Connor a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll grab the chips and dip."
"The chips and dipshits," Jay deadpans, and Mouse and Will both crack up at it.
Connor shakes his head as he grabs additional beer from the fridge. "What did I marry into?"
"I assume you're bringing Jay as your big romantic date to the holiday party?"
Will chuckles, squeezing Connor's bicep. "Uh huh. Fuck you."
"I think you just did that," Connor snarks back, pressing a gentle kiss into Will's chest.
Will chuckles again, his arms tightening around Connor's torso, and Connor loves the way it makes him feel.
"That was my plan," Will says, returning to the original question as he kisses Connor's hair. "Unless you're saying you want to be my date."
"I was thinking I'd ask Mouse, actually."
Will stills for a moment, and Connor briefly wonders if Will was actually offended by the idea, when Will bursts out laughing.
"Oh my god! You should!"
Connor tilts his head upward so he can see Will's face. "Yeah?"
Will kisses him, quickly. "Yeah. I want to see Maggie's reaction when you show up with him."
"William. If I didn't know better, I'd think you enjoyed the ED gossip."
Will shrugs. "It's better when it's not about me. I still hate you for convincing me to wear my ring, by the way."
"Do you want me to start wearing mine?" Connor asks, feeling a little guilty now.
Will looks dubious. "What happened to 'I'd have to take it off every time I scrub in and I'm worried I'd lose it'?"
"Still a valid concern," Connor says. "But if it's important to you..."
Will shakes his head. "Nah. It's not important to me. You were right, though. Wearing mine helps me feel connected to you while we're at work. It's a nice feeling. Makes the questioning worthwhile. Almost."
Connor chuckles and closes his eyes, just enjoying the feeling of his husband against him. "What kind of questioning?"
"What do you think? 'Oh you're married?' 'Who is she?' 'Tell us about her!'"
"That last one isn't a question," Connor snarks, and Will squeezes his bicep again. "Also everyone's assuming you're straight?"
"Everyone's assuming we're both straight," Will says, and Connor can tell he's amused. "You're apparently the biggest eligible bachelor in the hospital. That's why showing up with Mouse would be fantastic."
"Are you worried Mouse will let something slip?" Connor asks, not wanting to go down the road of 'rumors'. "He wouldn't intentionally of course, but I'm sure people will ask him questions about me."
Will shrugs. "If it happens, then it happens. Also it's really thoughtful of you to think of Mouse. To want to invite him, I mean."
"He's your family," Connor says. "Your and Jay's family. Didn't seem fair for everyone else to be coming."
"Oh you're definitely going to be coming," Will murmurs, his hand trailing lower down Connor's side.
Connor doesn't mind one bit.
Will's grinning as Connor passes him on his way back from the bathroom at the party, and Connor can't help but stop.
"Rumors?"
Will nods. "Yep."
"Tell me one." Connor doesn't normally do this kind of gossip, but his curiosity gets the better of him.
Will thinks for a moment. "Okay. The best one I've heard so far is that Jay set you and Mouse up because he thought you having a boyfriend would make you more amicable at work, and generally nicer to me. Except Mouse didn't know it was a setup, and thought he was just coming as a friend, so now people are giving Jay shit for the entire situation, and his incredulousness is just convincing everyone that it's true."
"Thanks so much for that, by the way," Jay says, grumbling at Will and Connor as he passes them on his way to the bathroom.
Connor allows himself to laugh, quickly. "That's... an impressive and interesting chain of logic."
"I've gotten so many questions about whether you're gay or bi," Will says, suppressing a laugh. "Why do people think I'd know, if they think we hate each other? Well, I guess if they thought Jay set you two up..."
"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer," Connor says, grinning. "Anyway, I should probably go rescue Mouse from whoever's interrogating him now, and maybe grab another drink."
Will nods, and Connor half expects to be kissed, but then Will's disappeared into the bathroom. Connor's only mildly disappointed by it.
He navigates the crowd until he finds Mouse, looking uncomfortably in conversation with April.
"Hey," he says, instinctively holding his hand out at Mouse. He's trying to think of how to recover -- he knows Mouse doesn't like to be touched -- when he's surprised by Mouse taking it, and slotting their fingers together.
"Hey," Mouse says, looking relieved now, as April just stares at the two of them.
"I could use another drink," Connor says, instead of figuring out what to say to April. "You want anything?"
"Y... yeah," Mouse says, immediately taking off in the direction of the bar, dragging Connor along. Connor sends an apologetic look April's way, but she just stares after the two of them, and he wonders what story she's concocting in her head.
He can't wait to hear it from Will.
"I can't believe you danced with Mouse."
Connor frowns against his husband's chest. "Should I not have?"
"No no no," Will immediately says, his arms squeezing Connor tighter. "Of course you should have. More that I was surprised Mouse was willing to dance. With anyone, not just with you. Dance in general, I mean. Touch you in general. Not like that. I mean that... he only really hugs Jay. But you knew that already. I think it means he really trusts you, which is amazing. But you're amazing. So..."
"He seemed a little overwhelmed by everything, and probably just wanted the grounding," Connor interrupts, honestly feeling a little guilty about it, now. He'd put Mouse in that position by inviting him to the party, and he wonders if Mouse had found the experience more torturous than enjoyable.
"I hope someone got a picture," Will continues. "You two were both particularly handsome, tonight."
"Mouse does clean up really well," Connor agrees, still not quite believing the change the man had gone through since he'd started working for the PD -- and not just appearance-wise.
"Mouse was hot," Will says, grinning, and Connor playfully hits him.
"Mmm. Mouse was 'hot', but I was only 'handsome'. Are you saying I have competition?"
Will shakes his head. "If I wasn't married and he wasn't ace and he wasn't Jay's best friend? Sure, I'd hit that. But I am and he is and god I'm still drunk so now I'm rambling so I'm gonna shut up now."
"Dark hair, blue eyes, tattoos... you've got a type, babe," Connor teases, and Will blushes.
"I guess I'm guilty as charged."
They're quiet for a moment, before Will's previous words fully sink in. "Did you say Mouse is... asexual, babe?" Connor asks, frowning.
Will bites his lip and looks guilty. "Fuck. Yeah. Well, ace or aro and... yes, I know they're different. It just wasn't the part of the conversation I was focused on when he... I mean, when I... I'm gonna stop talking before I say anything else I shouldn't. But I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. And I assumed that included you, even though we... I'm actually gonna stop talking now."
Connor just kisses him, not minding at all. "Then it's forgotten. And for the record, I don't mind you keeping secrets like that from me. Just so we're completely clear."
Will pulls Connor close again. "I know. I love you."
"I love you too, babe."
One of their rules is that they don't bring work home. It had started while they were still dating, in New York. They both had found that the novelty of dating another doctor had worn thin fast, and home conversation was easier if they kept medicine out of it.
Connor had also been continually incensed by Will's stories about his wealthy and snobby clients, although he supposes that isn't a problem he'd have anymore.
So he's entirely willing to forget the day's events when he gets home, as frustrating as they'd been. But Will doesn't seem as willing -- or maybe as able. Connor isn't too surprised by this, either, given how deeply he knows Will feels emotions. And given that they'd already violated their rule a few weeks earlier...
"Spit it out, babe," Connor says, watching Will uncharacteristically pushing food around on his plate.
Will sighs. "It's about work."
"Doesn't matter. It's a guideline, not a rule. If there's something that's bothering one of us, the other person should be willing to discuss it."
Will nods. "I still feel bad."
Connor hopes he understands what's bothering Will. "About Herrmann?" he tries, and Will nods. "Honestly, I should apologize for snapping at you. I was upset with Jay, not with you. And it sure doesn't help the entire 'we hate each other' impression that everyone has."
"I still shouldn't have... given him an answer," Will says. "I wasn't there. It wasn't my call to make. It's a... rookie mistake to respond to hypotheticals like that."
"Hey." Connor reaches across the table, taking Will's hand in his, and smiling. "He's your brother. Of course you'd want to answer his questions."
Will squeezes his hand. "I think he just surprised me with the question, so I just... froze. Like... he knows you. Why would he..."
"He doesn't know me as a doctor," Connor says. "As a surgeon. He knows my family's donated to the hospital. He knows there'd be internal political pressure to choose me. He smelled favoritism, and that concerned him when it came to his friend."
"They accepted your application because you're a damn good surgeon, Con," Will says, upset now. "And Herrmann's his friend, but you're his freaking brother-in-law."
Connor shakes his head, still smiling. "I know. But... I can see why Jay would have at least some nagging doubts. He's a detective, Will. It's his job to have doubts and concerns, and follow through with them. He just got carried away in his worry for Herrmann."
Will sighs again, withdrawing his hand. "You're not wrong."
They sit there for a bit in silence.
"Do you want me to call Jay?" Connor asks.
Will looks surprised by the question. "What?"
"Would it put your mind at ease if he and I talked? I'm not upset anymore, Will. If you feel bad on my behalf, you don't have to."
Will seems to think for a moment before shaking his head, and smiling. "No. But... next time I talk to him, I'm going to ream him out properly. Again."
Connor laughs. "You really don't have to, babe."
Will picks up his fork, then grins at Connor, dangerously. "And then I'm going to ream you."
Connor swallows, picking his own silverware, the words having their desired effect. "Please do."
"Dr. Rhodes. Please, come in. Have a seat."
Will, already seated at Sharon's desk, looks over at him. Will's nervous, he can tell, and Connor's feeling a little of that himself.
"What can we help you with, Mrs. Goodwin?" he asks as he takes the other seat.
She looks between the two of them for a moment, before speaking. "I'm not usually one to participate in speculation or rumors, but there has been some particularly interesting gossip going around recently."
Connor can see Will's jaw tighten in the way it does when he's ready to fight, and he feels a need to try and defuse the situation.
"What gossip is that?" he asks, gripping the arm of his chair instead of reaching for Will's hand.
She looks between the two of them again. "That you're on the verge of coming to blows in my ED. You're married. Why are you two acting like you hate each other?"
"How did you..." Will starts, but Connor immediately understands.
"My hiring paperwork," Connor says, the purpose of the meeting clear now, and wanting to laugh at the accusation. "We don't hate each other. Well... obviously we don't hate each other. We just have a lot of professional disagreements."
"I don't take any of it personally," Will volunteers, and Connor finds it adorable.
Sharon shakes her head. "Why this charade, then?"
Connor glances over at Will, reaching over and placing his hand on his. Will immediately seems to relax.
"We thought it would be better to have a purely professional relationship at work," he says, so Will doesn't have to. "Leave our personal lives at home. It seemed easier to do that if we forced ourselves out of our familiar habits. Keep ourselves from getting distracted while we're here."
Will turns his hand and laces his fingers with Connor's and smiles at him, and it's all Connor can do to keep himself from kissing the man.
Maybe that was just more proof that they were doing the right thing.
Sharon doesn't say anything for a moment, then nods. "Based on the way you two are looking at each other right now, that would seem to have been a prudent course of action."
She stands, and Will hastily releases Connor's hand before they stand with her. Connor shoves his hand into his pocket, already missing his husband's touch.
"Was that... everything?" he asks, still concerned about what she might say next.
"My top priority is the health and safety of our patients," Sharon says. "I simply wanted to ensure that you were not carrying hostilities or tensions from home into work in a way that would be detrimental to them or their care."
"The... opposite of that," Will says, shoving his own hands into his pockets now. "Our marriage is... our marriage is amazing. Connor's amazing."
Will blushes at his own words, and Connor blushes with him, forcing himself to tear his gaze away from him.
"Our top priority at work is the patients," Connor agrees. "That's what we both want, even if we don't always agree on the course of action toward that goal. I'm sorry if that's come across... negatively to anyone."
"Then that will be everything," Sharon says, a smile on her lips now. "Thank you for your time, gentlemen."
"I'm sorry about yesterday."
Connor looks up from his eggs and sausage, surprised by Will's statement. "For what?"
Will shakes his head. "I... feel like an idiot."
Connor swallows his current bite, still confused. "Is this about when we were treating Maria?"
Will shrugs. "Yes and no? It... well, it led to a realization that we've never talked about your mother. And so I... didn't realize how much the dedication might upset you, beyond just dealing with your dad's bullshit. So I was insensitive. And I... should've been there. With you."
"Natalie needed you," Connor says, honestly not offended at all. "And I meant what I said: I needed some time alone with Claire. It's been... way too long."
He doesn't bother mentioning that their conversation hadn't gone particularly well.
"Still..." Will says.
"As for Maria," Connor continues, "we resolved that at work." He reaches across the table and takes Will's hand. "And now we're at home. We don't bring work home. It's forgotten."
Will shakes his head. "I know. Sorry. Just... we've never talked about your mother."
Connor takes Will's other hand. "Babe. Stop for a second. What are you worried about?"
"I'm not worried," Will says. "I guess I'm just feeling... guilty. Like there are things about your life that I've never... asked about. I had to find out from Maggie that your mom killed herself, and what kind of person am I that I never knew that about my own husband's mother?"
Connor forces himself to focus on Will at the moment, refusing to let his feelings about his father win.
"Babe. I don't talk about my mom because of my personal feelings on the subject. Not because you're... emotionally negligent or anything like that," Connor says, squeezing Will's hands. "You asked about my family, early on. I told you my mom was dead, my dad was an egotistical bastard, and I didn't want to talk about either of them. Since then, we've had conversations about my dad, because, well... we had to. But I've been kind of... intentionally avoiding the subject of my mom. You have nothing to apologize for, okay?"
"Okay," Will says, even as he still looks troubled.
Connor takes a deep breath. "Do you need me to talk about my mother?"
"No," Will says, immediately. "I didn't mean... no. Not if it still makes you uncomfortable."
Connor laughs, despite himself. "If only it was just discomfort. I... can promise that I'll figure out a way to tell you about her, okay? It might just take some time."
Will nods. "Of course."
"And if there's anything else you don't know, it's not because you haven't asked, or that I'm hiding it from you. It just hasn't come up, and that absolutely does not make you a bad husband. Okay?"
"Okay," Will says, looking distinctly more reassured now. "Now I'm just sorry your eggs are getting cold because of me."
Connor laughs, and Will smirks, and Connor knows everything's going to be okay.
"I think we need to tell Natalie."
"Welcome home," Connor says, standing from the couch as Will walks in. "And sure."
Will just stops and stares at him. "Just... 'sure'? No 'Why, Will?'? No 'She just gave birth, Will'?"
Connor shrugs. "Why, Will?"
Will rolls his eyes. "I think she's getting the wrong idea about things with me. I think her mother-in-law is getting the wrong idea about things with me. Even though she knows I'm married. I think she thinks I want to cheat on my wife with her? I think?"
"That's a lot of 'thinks'," Connor says, sipping his scotch. "So, sure. Let's tell her. Maybe she'll want the break from her parents, anyway. Invite her over for dinner with your 'wife'."
Connor's grinning now, and Will shakes his head. "I hate you," Will says.
"Dinner's on the way."
"I love you."
"And here is my lovely spouse. I believe the two of you are acquainted."
Natalie blinks as she and Will round the corner to the living room. Connor isn't exactly sure how he's supposed to react -- a snarky reaction to 'lovely' feels inappropriate regardless -- so he smiles at her, raising his glass in her direction, and chooses a neutral response.
"Can I get you something to drink, Natalie?"
"Connor...?" She looks between the two men for a moment. "What kind of joke is..." she starts, trailing off as realization seems to set in. "Oh my god. You never said you had a wife."
"I did not," Will says, a smirk on his face, and Connor feels a sudden urge to kiss it.
"But you two... you two hate each other," she says, still unsure what to make of the situation.
"We certainly do not," Connor says, letting his instincts win, and moving in to give Will a kiss. Will makes a face at the sudden taste of scotch on his lips.
"But you two... fight... all the time..." Natalie says, still not letting it go. "You complain to me all the time about Connor."
Will's smirking again. "We disagree often at work. I don't think that means we fight."
"Yeah, because you're too impulsive and off-the-cuff with your medical decisions," Connor says, grinning, the line familiar to him now. He grabs Will and pulls him against his side.
"And you're too by-the-book," Will retorts with his own familiar line, leaning comfortably against Connor. "People die in the ED because of a few seconds."
Natalie's still staring between the two of them. "Okay, fine. I guess I buy the whole... be more brutally honest with each other because you know each other thing. But then... why do you two act like you don't know each other?"
Will shrugs. "You explained it to Sharon better than I could, Con."
Connor thinks he should have expected to be put on the spot, and tries to remember his wording before giving up. "Uh," he starts, suddenly realizing Will's hand is on his ass, and that definitely doesn't help. "Will and I have a very... physical relationship. And in the ED, when you're in and out..."
Will exhales, sharply. "Phrasing, Con!"
Connor frowns. "Fuck you, babe."
That makes Will break out in laughter. Natalie stares at him for a few seconds before breaking, herself, and it isn't long before Connor joins them.
"Phrasing, Connor!" Natalie manages when she's settled down, and that sets Will off again.
"As I was saying before my lovely husband so rudely interrupted," Connor says, ignoring him and trying his best to look annoyed, "we were concerned that the way we normally interact with each other would become a burden in the ED, or just generally at the hospital. It was easier for us to be colleagues if we could truly just be colleagues at work. So..." Connor shrugs. "That."
"You know, now that I've seen this, I understand," Natalie says, before burying her face in her hands, looking embarrassed. "God, Will. We've known each other so long, and I'd never met your wife, so I figured there had to be a reason. So when you asked, I thought you were inviting me home to meet her and say you had an open relationship, or wanted a threesome or..." She suddenly stops, peeking at Connor through her fingers. "Unless that's..."
"No no no," Connor and Will both say at once, and Natalie looks relieved.
"No," Will says again. "I just... figured there was a misunderstanding, and Con said I should just invite you over for dinner. You're a friend, Nat. I consider you a good friend, and I feel protective over you, but it's nothing more than that."
Natalie nods, looking satisfied. "Okay. Thank you." She looks around the room, for the first time. "And I think Connor was right. You could've told me all of this, but seeing you two interact with each other like this makes me really... believe it?"
Will laughs. "That's why I put up with him. He's usually right. Except when he's at work."
"Okay, so a scotch for my husband," Connor says, as Will makes a face. "Anything for you Natalie? Dinner's on the way, since Will's the cook around here."
"How about a tour?" she says. "This is a million times nicer than I would've expected for Will, but also really... fitting for the two of you, somehow."
Will holds his hand out in the direction of the bedroom. "I feel like I should be offended by that, so we can start in the primary bedroom, where Con never makes the bed even though he's exactly the kind of person you think would have been taught proper manners..."
Natalie laughs as they disappear through the door, and Connor finally feels himself relax.
Things had gone well.
Connor had never suspected that there could be downsides to not participating in departmental gossip, but apparently not being aware that your husband had violated a patient's DNR until well after the fact was one of them.
He kicks himself the entire next day, telling himself he should've known so he could've gone home to support Will -- or ask him what the hell he'd been thinking, despite their no-work-at-home rule -- rather than spending the night at Downey's bedside.
He kicks himself every time he sees Will that day, looking particularly sullen, and wonders if he should broach the topic. But at work, they were only colleagues, and Colleague Connor would just ream Will out.
He's pretty sure that's exactly what Will doesn't need, right now. But he doesn't dare bring Husband Connor to work, either, even though he knows that is what Will needs.
Instead, he pushes through his day and throws himself into his unexpected new partnership with Downey, intending to check on Will that evening.
But one day turns into two, and when Downey's boot camp shows no signs of letting up -- and his shifts completely overlap Will's off time -- he starts to wonder if he just needs to grab Will at work, regardless of their agreement.
Will apparently makes the decision for him, grabbing him in the hallway and pulling him into a supply closet.
"I know we're not supposed to..." Will starts, but Connor shushes him.
"Screw that. What can I do for you, Dr. Hal... what do you need, babe?"
The endearment seems to calm Will down, at least. He takes a deep breath. "I fucking lost a guy."
"I'm sorry," Connor says. "That must've..."
"And then I blamed Nat for it!" Will continues. "And then it turned out it wasn't even her fault!"
"Will..."
"I feel like I'm fucking self destructing, Con!" Will's practically yelling now. "Your career's about to skyrocket and I..."
Connor stops thinking, instead grabbing Will, pressing him against the wall, and kissing him. After a second of surprise, Will melts against him, hands finding his back and holding on for dear life.
It feels like forever until they break, and Will pulls Connor closer, holding him against him. Connor nuzzles into Will's neck, and Will sighs happily.
"I really fucking needed that... for so long..." Will murmurs into Connor's hair, and the words feel like a scalpel straight to Connor's heart.
"I'm going back to trauma..." Connor starts.
Will shakes his head, shoving him away until he's staring into Connor's eyes. "No. Absolutely not. No."
"Downey is not more fucking important than you, William!" Connor isn't sure why he's getting angry now, and wonders if it's the guilt. "Look at what he cost us! Look at you!" He's yelling now, too. "No. I'm done. I choose you. I'm choosing you, William! What the fuck else do you want from me?!"
Will takes a deep breath, and Connor expects him to start yelling again, but instead, he deflates.
"What the fuck are we doing?"
The question catches Connor off guard, but it's enough to calm him down, too. "Fuck..."
Will runs his hand through his hair. "We're both at loose ends right now. You're operating on like no sleep. I'm...." He trails off and waves a hand in the air. "And we're both fucking miserable without each other. I've forgotten what it's like to exist without you, Con. I hate existing without you."
"That... sounds about right," Connor agrees. "But that's why I..."
"No," Will says, immediately. "This is a short-term thing. We'll get through this. You're not allowed to squander the future you've earned because of it."
Connor wants to argue, but Will's expression leaves no room for argument. He doesn't want to argue with Will, anyway. He sighs. "Fine. But until things settle down, and we actually manage to cross each other at home on some sort of a regular basis, promise me you'll page me if you need me. Screw this work-at-work thing. We'll find another closet like this. Promise me, William."
"I promise," Will says, seeming almost relieved.
"Okay. Then." Connor takes Will's hand. "Right now, I'm your husband. What do you need, babe?"
The silence and the distance between them is stifling, and almost unbearable. Connor can't remember the last time they'd been together for so long without a word, or at least a shared touch. It's their first time driving home from work together, and it's with no small amount of bitterness that he notes the circumstances for what should've been a milestone to celebrate.
Connor doesn't usually get too deep into his own head -- he hates where it always leads. And, ever since he'd had Will, he'd never felt like he had to. But in the silence, his brain does the only thing it can: It second-guesses every thing he's said or done over the past weeks.
He should've been harsher with Will, even as his husband. Maybe Will wouldn't have gone so far.
He shouldn't have given Will his credentials. That was Husband Connor at work, and that was against their rules, and the information clearly hadn't had its intended effect anyway.
He should've gone back to trauma, despite their conversation. His schedule hadn't given him nearly as much time as Will had clearly needed.
He should've known Will wouldn't page him, even when he needed him. Will always had to be the hero, and carry his own pain, and it was Connor's job to remind him that he didn't have to.
He should've brought up Will's guilt over his mother sooner. He hates that Will still carries that regret, even if he'd never imagined how far it could carry him.
He thinks until they're sitting together at home, on opposite ends of the couch, and Connor's about to say something when Will finally breaks the silence.
"I'm sorry about today," Will says, and that definitely hadn't been what Connor had expected.
But it's easier.
Connor moves until he's sitting next to Will, and kisses his temple. "I'm sorry, too. I... wasn't sure if I said the right thing, in the elevator. I just... wonder if I should've brought Husband Connor instead of Colleague Connor."
Will shakes his head. "No. It's funny, but... this thing we're doing at work... it helped this time. Like... when you confronted me, I felt like it was because you were worried about me professionally, rather than just me as your... husband or something like that. Your words had more impact that way, somehow. Especially because of our previous... conversations. Just... this hit differently. In a good way."
"I'm glad," Connor says, kissing his temple again, and feeling relieved that he hadn't overstepped. "And you know that your desire to do good and help people, even at great personal cost, is one of the things I love the most about you, right?"
"I know," Will whispers, squeezing Connor's hand.
"And like I told you in our vows... my job is to keep you from being too self-destructive. Your job is to keep me grounded. It's why we're so good together."
"I know," Will repeats, but sounding more confident about the words this time, before falling silent for a bit. "I hate how I let mom's death get to me like this. It almost cost us my career. I guess it still could."
"Hey, hey," Connor reassures. "You're not allowed to think about it like that, okay? And there's no timeline for grief, or guilt, nor a wrong way to deal with it. I'm here for you for as long as you need."
"This felt like a pretty fucking wrong way," Will says, and Connor can't exactly disagree, but doesn't voice the thought. "Thanks, Dr. Charles," Will adds, after a moment.
That breaks the tension, and Connor laughs, with Will smirking at him. "I wasn't aware you were into older men, William."
"I married you, didn't I?" Will retorts, grinning now.
Connor feigns outrage. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight, mister."
Will shrugs, playfully pulling away from Connor's arms. "Suits me. It's cozy here, and the TV is bigger than the one in the bedroom. Just order me some food and I'm set."
Connor takes that part as an actual request and pulls out his phone. "Chinese?"
Will shrugs. "Sure. Usual everything."
Connor nods, quickly placing the order before returning his attention to his husband, who's staring off into space again. "Hey. Anything else I can do?"
Will startles back to reality, seems to take a moment to absorb Connor's words, and shakes his head before returning to Connor's embrace. "No. Just... thank you for... your reaction to all of this."
Connor isn't sure he deserves the thanks, especially given how angry he'd gotten in his own head at Will. "Babe..."
Will shakes his head. "No. Sorry. I mean... I'm not sure how to express this, but... even when it was just the DNR, but especially now that it's me almost doing something spectacularly reckless like breaking the confidentiality of a drug trial... you were always worried about me. Not about yourself, or us, or your family's reputation..."
"I don't give a shit about my family's reputation," Connor says, before he can stop himself. "Sorry. I mean... especially not relative to you."
Will just chuckles. "Right. Bad example. I just meant... you were worried about me, as my husband, here at home. And you were worried about me, as your colleague, at work. It was always about me. So just... thank you for that."
Connor thinks he understands, but isn't about to push the subject any further at the moment if he doesn't have to. "I feel like it's my job to worry about you, but I'm glad it was helpful."
"And I love you," Will says, snuggling closer against him. "So much."
Connor kisses him. "I know. I love you, too."
"I really needed this," Will says, and Connor fully agrees with the sentiment.
"Mrs. Goodwin seemed more than willing to schedule us off together for a couple days," Connor says. "I think she thought you really needed it too."
"Yeah," Will says. "Oh, there's a dessert truck. Let's..."
He trails off, dropping Connor's hand, and Connor's about to ask what's wrong when he hears a familiar voice.
"Dr. Halstead? Dr. Rhodes?"
"Ms. Reese," Will says, smiling at her and Joey as they walk up to them, hand in hand. "Mr. Thomas."
"I'm... surprised to see you two here," Reese says.
"Looks like the two of you are having a nice night together," Connor says, hoping to steer the conversation in a safer direction. "Date night?"
"Yeah," Joey says, smiling as he squeezes her hand. "She wanted to come out to the park, and I couldn't say no to her."
"What about you two?" Reese asks, looking between the two of them -- with suspicion, Connor thinks.
Will shrugs. "Had a day off. Thought it would be nice to spend it out in the fresh air."
"Same," Connor says, following Will's lead.
"So you two... ran into each other here?" Reese asks.
She's definitely suspicious.
Connor's trying to figure out how to respond, when Joey points at something. "Hot chocolate! Should we get some?"
"I'll see you two at work," Reese says, waving as Joey pulls her in the direction of the beverage stand.
Connor watches them go, breathing a sigh of relief as they do. He looks over at Will, who shrugs.
"I wasn't sure what the protocol for that was," Connor says, feeling guilty.
Will shakes his head. "I was just thinking the other day that we should talk about it, in case we run into any coworkers outside of work. Honestly, I'm surprised it hadn't happened sooner."
"I don't want to lie," Connor says, feeling like that's a step too far. "The intent was never to be deceptive."
"Agreed," Will says, seemingly thinking. "But I feel like the long explanation that would come with the truth would be a lot to just... pull out suddenly in conversation."
"We don't have to say we're married," Connor says. "Just... if someone asks, we can say we're together. Like today, we could've said we were on a date, which is true."
"Is that... better?" Will says, walking again, and Connor follows alongside, missing the feel of his husband's hand. "I feel like that would lead to even more questions which would just end with us revealing that we're married, anyway."
"I... don't have a better suggestion," Connor says. "There isn't exactly a handbook on 'how to answer questions about your love life when your coworkers don't know you're married'."
Will laughs. "Would be useful if there was, though."
They're both quiet for a bit, standing in front of the dessert truck and studying the menu.
"Want to split a chocolate lava cake?" Connor asks.
"With vanilla ice cream," Will says, nodding. "I think the answer is probably just... what you said. Answer questions honestly. And otherwise... let people make assumptions? It... it feels similar to when I had my first boyfriend, actually... I wasn't exactly not out, but I also wasn't going around telling people I was dating a dude. People saw us together, drew their own conclusions, and if they outright asked, I'd confirm."
"So you would've told Reese we were on a date?" Connor asks.
Will nods. "Yeah. Is that okay?"
It still doesn't entirely sit right with Connor, even though it had been his first thought, but it feels better than any other option. "Yeah. That seems fair."
"Unless you think we need to... just be open at work," Will says, as they get in line. "Prevent this situation from coming up again in the first place."
Connor shakes his head. "Not unless you do. I'm honestly finding the separation really useful."
"Me too," Will says, smiling as he grabs Connor's hand.
There are times that Connor's thankful for their no-work-at-home rule. Today is definitely one of those days.
He hadn't realized quite how much it had let him draw an emotional line between the two places. The feelings that had troubled him as he sat in his car feel like a distant memory now -- as if he was watching himself break down from afar, and as if all of the fear and sorrow he'd been feeling had just been part of someone else.
But conversely, as he walks toward the doors of the ED the next morning, the feelings come back again. He keeps glancing at the spot where he'd seen the woman's parents, wailing and clutching her red handbag as if it could somehow bring her back.
"You okay this morning?" Natalie asks him as he hangs up his coat in the lounge.
"Oh. Yeah," Connor says, surprised by her question. They didn't talk very often on non-patient topics, despite her being one of the only people at work who knew his secret. "Thanks."
Maybe that's why they didn't talk very often.
Natalie just nods. "Will's worried about you," she says, as she pulls on her white lab coat. "He said that case yesterday really hit you hard."
"It did," Connor says, cursing his husband's ability to see right through him.
"Want to talk about it?" Natalie asks. "He told me not to bother you with it, but you just look... sad, this morning."
"I kind of do," Connor admits, feeling strange as he sits down at a table in the room. He never did this. This wasn't who Connor was. He should be stronger than this.
But maybe that's exactly why he needed this.
Natalie sits down next to him, and hesitates for a moment before gently patting his shoulder. "Want to tell me what happened?"
"She died on the table," Connor says, squeezing his eyes shut, and trying to forget the memory. "But she was conscious. And she... looked at me. Grabbed my scrubs. She was... terrified. And then she was gone."
"That sounds like it must've been really difficult," Natalie says, after a moment.
Connor half-laughs half-scoffs. "It was... something. And then, on my way out that night, I passed her parents. They were... a wreck."
"I can imagine," Natalie says, patting Connor's shoulder again.
"Will and I have both been stressed recently, because of... well, you know why. So this case... I think it hit at the wrong time, but also... I think it was just the randomness of it," Connor says, trying to work through the emotions. "Car crash. Maybe she was distracted by a text. Maybe she just jerked the wheel wrong at a crucial moment. It should have been nothing, but instead, it cost her everything. Cost her parents everything. How many little things do I do, every day, that are big nothings right now, but could destroy everything? How many does Will do?"
"It made you worry about Will?" Natalie asks.
Connor nods, the feelings making more sense now. "I guess? I don't know why. Absolutely nothing about the case, or the woman, or her parents, should've made me think of Will."
"The grief," Natalie says. "The parents' grief. That would be him if something happened to you. That would be you if something happened to him."
Connor takes a deep breath. "Yeah."
"I don't have any magic advice," Natalie says. "Because that's just part of loving someone as much as you two clearly love each other. But... if the worst happens, it gets better. I can tell you it gets better. Eventually."
Connor supposes she would know that from firsthand experience, and somehow, the knowledge that she'd been able to move on from her own grief helps.
"Thanks, Natalie."
She smiles at him. "Of course. Grab me if you want to talk any more, okay?"
Connor nods, watching her walk off, before noticing a familiar face watching him through the glass of the lounge.
Connor smiles at Will, trying to communicate that everything's okay. That he's okay.
Will just nods, looks like he breathes a sigh of relief, and walks off.
He was going to be okay.
"Welcome home. How was dinner with Claire?"
"Dad thinks I've seen the light," Connor says, as he walks into the kitchen, where Will's doing dishes.
"You spoke with him?"
Connor shakes his head, kissing Will's cheek and grabbing the plate he's offered to dry. "Saw him across the store when I was finding Claire. I'm sure he'll ambush me at work again sometime soon."
"That explains the package," Will says, jerking his head toward a box sitting on the counter. "Arrived about half an hour ago, addressed to both of us. I didn't want to open it until you got home.
Connor rolls his eyes. "Fuck you, dad."
"So how was Claire?" Will asks again, handing Connor another clean plate. "Good dinner?"
"Good dinner," Connor says, finding that he actually means it. "We're going to start chatting every week or so. Just... trying to rebuild our relationship."
"That's great, Con," Will says, rubbing his back, before pausing. "That's... good, right?"
"I... think so," Connor says, honestly still nervous about reconnecting. "It still feels strange. But I'm... excited to get to know her again."
"Do you want to... open the package?" Will asks, drying his hands and handing the towel to Connor.
"Not particularly," Connor grumbles. "I'm not interested in whatever bribe he thinks this is."
"Should we just... get rid of it?"
Connor shakes his head, his curiosity winning out. "No. If it's something stupid, we can donate it." He grabs the kitchen shears and hands them to Will. "Would you do the honors?"
Will does, pulling two boxes from the larger one, one thin and flat and the other in a heart-shaped box tied with a red ribbon. Will raises an eyebrow, and Connor shakes his head.
The heart-shaped box turns out to be a box of chocolate-dipped strawberries, with a "Congratulations on your marriage" note inside.
"Well, that answers that question," Will says, picking up the other box. "Why does this box look familiar?"
Connor feels a sudden chill up his spine. He knows why the box looks familiar. But there was no way that...
"That fucking bastard."
Will looks at Connor curiously, before opening the box. Inside is a necktie. Will frowns at it.
"Is that..."
"He's toying with us," Connor says. "Yeah. It's the exact tie I got you. The strawberries are a bribe. The tie is a threat."
"Well, now we can match?" Will tries, the smile fading off his face at Connor's glare. "Right. Sorry. I'll... get rid of it."
"I can't believe that he..." Connor starts.
Will shakes his head, putting his hands on Connor's shoulders. "Con. Hey. That's what he wants, okay? He wants you to get a rise out of you. But he can't touch us. He can't touch you if you don't let him."
Connor sighs. "You're... you're right."
"So. Let's burn the tie," Will says, with a grin. "And we still need dessert. Dolan Rhodes has a little cafe, right? Let's take it back for ourselves. The only way you're setting foot in that store is as a doctor, with your doctor husband. And doctor husbands eat cheesecake at Dolan Rhodes."
Connor can't help but give in to the smile that's threatening to appear on his face. "That... that sounds good."
"You did a great job today, babe."
Will shakes his head, grabbing Connor's glass of scotch from him and downing it in a single gulp, then looking like he wants to vomit.
"Fuuuck how do you drink that?"
Connor laughs, taking the glass back and refilling it for himself. "You know, you could've punished yourself with something other than my Lagavulin. We do have other scotches."
Will grimaces again, and wipes his lips with his hand. "I fucked up my last chance to make a good impression with Sharon. I think we have to seriously start thinking about what's next."
That immediately kills Connor's playful mood, and he nods, sitting on the couch and waiting for Will to join him.
"I'll tell Downey that I'm leaving."
Will sits next to him, putting his head in his hands and sighing. "I mean, there's still a small chance I get it, right? And you impressed the hell out of him today."
"I could go out on a high note," Connor says, trying his hardest to make Will smile.
Will doesn't even look at him. "Don't tell him." He sighs again. "Don't leave. I can't ask you to give this up."
"You're not asking, babe. I'm offering."
Will shakes his head. "No. This isn't just about Downey. You've proven yourself here, Con. Asking you to start over somewhere new... again..." He shrugs. "I guess we're just gonna... be apart for a while."
Connor's mind immediately jumps back to when Will had been in crisis over Jessica Baker, and they hadn't been able to sync up for several days. There was no way in hell he was going to let Will put himself in that position again.
"We discussed waiting," Connor says, instead. "Finish your residency, take some time off, wait until a position opens up somewhere in the city."
"Connor..."
Connor shakes his head. "Okay. I love you, Will, but I'm going to be blunt here. You said you don't like handouts. But I'm your husband. Supporting the two of us for a while is not a handout. I frankly think it's ridiculous that you would dismiss a perfectly reasonable solution just because of that hangup."
"That's not fair," Will says, jumping to his feet. "I..."
"Babe..." Connor says, trying his hardest not to get agitated.
"Maybe we actually shouldn't be thinking about this now," Will says, clearly done with the conversation. "There's still a chance for Med. And if it comes through, then none of this matters anyway."
"William," Connor says, teeth gritted. "Forget the plans for a second. I'm more worried now about how you see money in our relationship. I know we..."
"Can we please not do this right now?" Will interrupts, looking defeated. "I can't have this conversation right now. Not today."
Connor forces himself to let the issue go, instead grabbing Will and gently pulling him toward him. "Okay. But..."
"We'll have the conversation, Con. I promise," Will says, sighing happily as Connor wraps his arms around him. "For now, just... this. Please."
Connor allows Will to drop the subject, but he really doesn't like the feeling it leaves him with.
Connor still feels terrible that he's doing this alone, but Will had insisted: "David was your friend and your mentor, and it's not my place."
But it's the second time in so many weeks -- and the millionth time in months -- that Downey had taken priority over his husband. They hadn't even properly celebrated Will's job offer after Will had insisted Connor stay with his mentor for his final days.
So it's with incredibly mixed feelings that he overturns the urn, watching the ashes drift off in the waves.
It's closure, for so many different things. Sorrow, as it was the last he'd see Downey in some form. Gratefulness, for everything Downey had given him. Anger, for what Downey had asked him to do. Bittersweetness, for having done it and ended his suffering.
But maybe most importantly, relief. It was the last time Downey could force Connor to choose between him and Will. Never again would he be asked to put Will second.
And never again would he.